Slayers Road Trip!
by Ame no Komoriuta
Summary: One day, LoN gets bored and dumps everyone in a car, sending them on a road trip. Predictably, complete insanity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, there are a few things I'd like to say before I begin this. First off, obviously, I don't own Slayers (though I do own the first three seasons, digitally remastered, on DVD).

Next, I just want to explain this fic a bit. It's my second one ever, so please don't be harsh. It was originally supposed to be one of those completely insane humor things, but somewhere along the way, the humor part was dropped and now it's just completely insane. It's not supposed to make sense in the least, it's not supposed to have a plot, and it is supposed to be kind of OOC. The reason sanity and plot is lacking is not just that I'm a terrible writer (though, actually, I really am).

Finally (I'm almost done, don't worry), I've already written up to chapter eight of this story, so I'm going to be putting up the chapters two at a time (mostly because they're kind of short).

Let's get on with the story then. Enjoy!

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**I. The Lord of Nightmares Gets Bored**

The Lord of Nightmares was bored. And when the Lord of Nightmares is bored, bad things happen. Like, for example, at this particular time that the Lord of Nightmares got bored, Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zelgadis, Xellos, and Filia were having a perfectly normal day (which is to say, complete with various females repeatedly bashing certain males with maces and/or fireballs, an excessive amount of food, and a frustrating lack of romantic development) when the Mother of All Things decided to ruin their lives. Again.

Since it had began as a perfectly normal day, not many abnormal things were happening. Lina was in the middle of devouring a particularly scrumptious piece of meat, which she had just fought Gourry for. Zelgadis was just about to say, "Damn you, Rezo," for the twenty-second time that hour (Amelia, in between singing verses about the joys of justice, had been counting). Xellos and Filia were having a lovers' spat—uh...I mean, a fight. They were having a fight.

And it was at this particular moment, when Lina was just about to take another ravenous mouthful of her hard-earned meat, that the Lord of Nightmares picked her and her friends up and dumped them in a completely unrecognizable place, with this powerful proclamation: "Lina Inverse and company, because I am bored and I have infinite power (and because the almighty authoress wills it), I have removed you from your world and deposited you in a place called 'Modern Day Earth'. There is only one way for you to return home, and that is…to go on a road trip!"

Lina wailed, collapsing to the ground. "My FOOOOOOOODDDD!"

Everyone sweatdropped, including the Lord of Nightmares.

"Miss Lina, we've just been dragged from our world and threatened with this thing called a…a…road trip, and all you can think about is _food_?!" Amelia cried.

Lina had no response for this other than to sob, her head in her hands.

"Well, I must be going then," the Lord of Nightmares said apologetically, disappearing. "I've left you a car, over there. I'll be watching!"

"That's not creepy at all," Gourry commented.

"Get yourself together, Lina," Zelgadis snapped. "We have to figure out a way to get home. Or find out if this weird place has a way to get me back to normal."

"Well, let's get going then!" Xellos prodded. "Time for a road trip!"

* * *

**II. Road? Trip?**

Lina, finished with her breakdown, stood and looked around. She had never seen any place _quite_ like this one. It was too bright, and the buildings looked awkward, as they weren't made of stone or wood or anything she'd ever experienced before. The grass she was standing on was short and brownish, and trees were few and far between.

"So, where are we?" asked Filia, glancing around wildly.

"Hm…" Xellos mused. "It would seem that the Lord of Nightmares has found a cure for her boredom by transporting us to suburbia."

"What was that she said about a road trip?" Zelgadis queried.

"Um, Lina? What is a road trip?" Gourry asked.

Lina smacked him upside the head, grumbling, "Jellyfish br…actually, Gourry, that's a good question. I don't know what a road trip is."

Xellos pulled one of his magical guide books out of nowhere. "A road trip," he read, "is when a person or a groupd of people drive around in a car to see various tourist attractions or visit certain areas."

"So…it's like…a vacation?" Amelia offered.

"Some vacation this is," Zelgadis scoffed.

"What is…'driving' and 'car'?" Gourry questioned.

"Well, I do believe a car is one of those things," Xellos answered, pointing out a large metallic-looking object that was making strange, loud noises and smelled bad. It sat, vibrating and puffing, on top of some rough black surface.

"What is it, exactly?" Filia asked, awe and fear touching her voice.

"A car is a passenger-carrying road vehicle, usually with four wheels and powered by an internal-combustion engine," Xellos explained.

Amelia looked mystified.

"So it's something you ride in," clarified Zelgadis. "Like a wagon or a cart."

"But it doesn't have any horses or anything," Filia protested. "How does it move?"

"I don't know, but we should definitely try it!" Lina exclaimed, taking off towards the vehicle. The others followed more cautiously, frightened of the contraption that was making strange noises.

"Is it magic?" breathed Amelia when she reached it, slowly extending her fingers to touch the smooth, reflective surface.

"I don't think so," Lina replied, peeking in through a window. There were chairs inside, and a few bizarre-looking devices with all sorts of numbers and markings. "It's some kind of machine."

"Shall we give it a shot, then?" Zelgadis asked. "It is our only way of getting home, after all."

"So what do we do?" Gourry inquired.

Xellos tugged on the handle to a door, and everyone gasped in amazement as part of the vehicle became unattached and swung open on a hinge. "I call driver!" he laughed, jumping behind the wheel.

Lina opened another door, slowly watching with wonder as the insides of the great mechanism were revealed. The chairs looked rather comfy, and though there wasn't much legroom, Lina decided to get in anyway. Amelia followed more tentatively, and Zelgadis climbed in after them, shutting the door behind him. Amelia flinched at the sound. It was small and rather cramped inside, and the trembling of the machine made her feel queasy.

"So the Lord of Nightmares left us this…car thing?" Amelia questioned.

"Apparently," Lina replied. "She must have been _really_ bored."

There was a piercing creak from behind them, and all three turned their heads to see Gourry standing, predictably looking puzzled, at the rear of the car. "Oh, is that what this thing did?" he asked, looking at the lift gate, which now hung open, revealing the spacious but seat-less area behind where Lina, Amelia, and Zelgadis were sitting.

"That's perfect," Lina commented. "You can sit there, Gourry."

"And where do I sit?" asked Filia, still outside the car.

"Why, Filia, you can sit right here, next to me," Xellos invited, patting the passenger's seat.

"I refuse to sit next to a disgusting monster like you!" she cried, crossing her arms. There was a crash from behind as Gourry struggled to clamber into the trunk of the car.

"Well then we're just going to have to leave you here, won't we?" Xellos responded, somehow knowing how to take the car out of park, and doing so.

Filia turned white. "Fine! Just…don't come near me!" She warily stepped into the car, and sat on the very edge of her seat, as far away from Xellos as she possibly could manage.

"I wonder what this thing is," Amelia said, holding what looked like a length of very flat, wide rope, attached to the side of her seat. At the end, it had a piece of metal on it.

"It's probably not important," Zelgadis replied, examining the one he found at the side of his seat.

"Is everyone ready?" Xellos asked.

"Yeah!"

"Sure."

"I guess."

"…."

"Humph."

"Then let's go!" He slammed on the gas pedal, and the car buckled into motion.

Amelia screamed. Gourry flew backwards as inertia took effect, and Lina, Zelgadis, and Filia found themselves holding onto various pieces of the car for dear life. Xellos, however, was wearing a wide smile.

"AHHH!" shrieked Amelia. "This is scarier than the time we fought Copy Rezo and the time Valgaav almost destroyed the world put together!"

No one responded, because they were all busy trying to keep their last meal down. If they had had the chance to look out the window, they would have seen the various architectural feats and interesting sights that they were passing, like a house whose lawn Xellos was currently tearing up and tree branches slapping the windows. Such scenes flashed by as the monster at the wheel continued to go at a speed of approximately eighty-three miles per hour, especially after catching sight of the sign that clearly read "Drive 25".

Finally, Filia was able to muster enough courage to let go of the handle she had been clutching so dearly and scoot over so that she could slam down on the brake (how she knew to do this, I'm not sure, but I'm assuming that the Fire Dragon King sent her a prophecy or something along those lines.)

"Aww, Filia, you ruined my fun," Xellos whined good-naturedly.

"Fun?!" Lina shouted. "FUN?!"

"I don't know what driving is, Mr. Xellos, but I get the feeling that that wasn't it," Amelia commented, holding her head in her hand.

Zelgadis opened his door and stumbled out woozily. Gourry was lying flat on his back, completely and totally unresponsive.

"New rule," Lina announced. "Xellos doesn't drive."

"Agreed!"

"Yes, definitely."

"Aww," Xellos moaned. "So do any of you actually know how to drive?"

"Well, we know how _not_ to drive now," Zelgadis retorted, doubled over, leaning against the side of the car.

"I imagine it would be a little less like how Xellos drove, and a little more like that." Filia pointed towards another one of the flat black surfaces, on which a car traveled far more slowly and not anywhere near as recklessly.

"Well, why don't you give it a shot, then?" Xellos requested.

"I will!" Filia exclaimed angrily. "Get out of my seat."

Xellos and Filia traded place, Zelgadis got back in the car, and everyone, with the exception of Xellos, took hold of some sort of handle just in case they were to go flying again.

Filia grabbed the steering wheel, looking slightly edgy. "Well, here we go…"

_Will Filia be a good driver, or will Xellos just drive her insane? How are they going to get home? Most importantly, will Lina ever get her food? Find out next time on Slayers Road Trip!_

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I completely rewrote this chapter twice and I'm still not entirely happy with it. The rest of the story is much better, in my opinion, so please stick with me. And I don't actually know how to drive myself, so I have no idea if I'm getting that part right or what.

Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, I thought now might be a good time to let you know that the pairings here are trad and Xelfi. This isn't really a romance piece so you're not going to see a lot of it, though.

Well, here's the next part. Enjoy!

* * *

**III. Dashboard**

"So I press this to go…and this to stop…and this makes us turn? Okay, I think I'm ready." Filia took a deep breath, and then carefully put her foot down.

The car jolted forward a few feet. Filia, surprised, quickly slammed on the brakes.

"Maybe someone else should drive, Miss Filia," suggested Amelia.

"No, it's okay, I've got this," the dragon replied. She inhaled through her nose, then inched her foot towards the gas pedal. This time, when the car began to move, Filia kept driving and slowly turned the steering wheel. They began to crawl back towards the road at a snail's pace.

"Honestly, I'd rather have this than Xellos' driving," Lina said. "But can't we go any faster, Filia?"

"No," Filia snapped.

"And why not?" Zelgadis asked.

"Because I have a feeling that if this car runs into anything, we could get hurt," Filia answered. "And I won't have that."

"So…where are we going, anyway?" Gourry questioned, finally able to sit up.

"I figure we could just drive around a bit until the Lord of Nightmares lets us go home," Lina answered.

"But what if she never lets us go home, and makes us drive around this crazy place forever?" Amelia asked, sounding terrified.

"I'm sure that wouldn't happen," Zelgadis grumbled. "At least, I hope not."

"Well, while we're here, we might as well make the best of it," Xellos chuckled as the car finally reached the road. He reached towards the front. "I wonder what this button does…."

Suddenly, a whooshing noise filled the car as a blast of wind hit a number of the passengers in the face.

"What is this?!" shouted Amelia, looking for the origin of the gust. She determined it to be a hole in the car ceiling directly above her head.

"It's _cold_," Lina whined. "Xellos, what did you do?"

"It seems I've turned on the air conditioner," he mused, then hit the button again to turn it off, before reaching over the steering wheel, much to Filia's aggravation, and going for another button.

A spray of water shot towards the window in the front of the car, making Filia flinch and the car swerve. "Xellos!" she bellowed, as the windshield wipers squeaked across the glass. "Stop it!"

Smiling maliciously, Xellos turned off the windshield wipers but hit yet another button. This time, a deafening noise that seemed to be coming from everywhere at once filled the car, making everyone jump. They slammed to a stop as Filia, shocked, hit the brake again.

"It's…music!" shouted Amelia over the din.

"It's really _bad_ music!" Lina yelled, her hands over her ears. "XELLOS! TURN IT OFF!"

The car was silent yet again, except for the constant humming noise that emanated from the vehicle itself.

Silence never lasts long in this company, however, and soon Xellos was once again hitting buttons, this time on his door. Everyone, including Filia, watched in awe as the window slowly began to disappear from sight until it vanished altogether, and a breeze was whipping through the vehicle. Lina turned to her own door and did the same, everyone following it with their eyes as the glass moved down, and then up again as she hit the other button.

"Eyes on the road, Filia," Xellos sang.

"Ahh!" she cried, just barely missing a garbage can on the side of the road. "Stop distracting me!"

"You know, Lina, I'm starting to think that Filia probably shouldn't be the driver, either," Gourry remarked.

"What makes you say that?" Lina asked.

"Well, these people keep driving _around_ us," Gourry noted. "They're going a lot faster than we are."

Everyone looked out the window. Indeed, the car hadn't gotten very far since they had switched drivers, and everyone else on the road was going at least twice their speed.

"Okay, that's it," Lina commanded. "It's my turn."

Filia sighed, but pulled into the shoulder. "I don't really like this driving stuff, anyway."

"Lina, are you sure that this is a good idea?" Zelgadis questioned.

"What makes you say that?" Lina growled.

"Well, Lina, you are a kind of scary person," Gourry agreed. "I almost don't want to know what you'd be like while driving."

"Gourry…" Lina snarled. "I'm hungry, irritated, and really pissed off. Are you sure you want to be insulting me right now?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Lina!" Gourry replied. "See? You've got this awful temper and rush into things before thinking it through and—"

"_FIREBALL!"_

Nothing happened.

"I said _fireball!_" Lina, frowning, looked down at her hands. "My magic isn't working!"

"Is it that time of the month?" Gourry questioned innocently.

"No, my magic isn't working, either," Zelgadis realized.

"It's that time of the month for you, too?!" Gourry exclaimed. Lina turned and smacked him so that he went sprawling across the trunk of the car again.

"None of our magic is working!" Amelia wailed.

"It would seem so," Xellos pondered. At this point, the car had come to a stop at the edge of the road. "It's probably because we're here."

"Well that's just fantastic," Lina groaned. "Here we are, stranded in this place, with no magic!" She stormed out of the car and around to the front door.

Filia stepped delicately out of the car and went around to where Lina had been sitting, while Lina slammed the door shut behind herself and reached for the steering wheel.

"Okay, Xellos, how does this thing work?"

* * *

**IV. Supermarket**

"Miss Lina, can you slow down just a little?" Amelia requested. She wasn't as scared as she had been while Xellos had control of the vehicle, but she was alarmed at the rate that they were zooming down the street.

"Hey, at least I'm actually on the road," Lina snapped with a pointed glance at Xellos.

"Look where you're going!" Zelgadis exclaimed, pointing forwards.

"I wonder what those big signs that say 'STOP' mean," Gourry speculated, watching as one flew by to the right.

"I would assume that you're supposed to stop when you see them, Miss Lina!" chided Filia.

"Yeah, whatever," Lina sighed. "What is with these people in front of me? They keep stopping every time they see those stupid red lights!" Frustrated, she leaned forward into the steering wheel, and was surprised to find that it made an interesting noise.

"What was that?" Amelia asked.

Lina punched the wheel again, and the noise screamed out. "Hey, I like that."

"Lina has discovered the horn," Xellos laughed.

So far, the roads they had been driving on had mostly been the same: grassy stretches of land on either side leading up to awkward-looking buildings. There were some other cars around, but many were simply sitting on the side of the road and not moving. Large tree-like structures dotted the sides of the road, though they had no branches or leaves, and were connected by long black ropes. Every time Lina came to an intersection, she would choose a direction at random and go flying around the turn without even looking, leaning on the horn, eliciting some cursing in reply.

That is, until they got to the big road.

Lina had no choice but to slam on the brakes when she reached it. There were so many cars, speeding down the highway in hordes, traveling simultaneously in both directions. Others lined up on the streets surrounding the big road, waiting for their chance to jump in and join the massive crowd of vehicles that were going back and forth.

"There are so many of them," breathed Amelia.

"And I thought the streets of Atlas City were bad," remarked Zelgadis.

"How do you get out there?" Filia asked, watching with concern as the cars flashed by.

"Like this," Lina replied, stepping on the gas and leaning on the horn at the same time. They raced into the traffic, causing many drivers to honk their horns themselves. Others had to stop completely as not to hit the fast-moving car.

"I think it might be time to switch drivers soon," Amelia commented, clutching the edge of her seat in two fists.

"I think it might be time to eat," Gourry replied.

"Yeah! Good idea, Gourry!" Lina agreed, swerving around the driver in front of her and consequentially cutting off another car. "Anyone have any idea where we can find some food around here?"

Suddenly, all the cars around her stopped. Lina once again had to stand on the brakes to avoid hitting the one in front of her. "Why'd you stop, dammit?!" she screamed, holding down the horn with both hands.

She tried to edge around the car, but the other vehicles were packed in tightly. So, with Xellos' help, she threw the car into reverse, and went around the stationary cars, almost getting hit by oncoming traffic in the process. From the backseat, Filia screamed.

"Calm down, Filia," Lina ordered. "I know what I'm doing."

"Lina, I think we may be able to get some food there," Xellos said, pointing out a large building that they had just zoomed by. Lina took a glance over her shoulder at it. It was much bigger than the buildings she had seen before. It just wasn't as pretty looking, with blank grayish-white walls and random pieces of garbage strewn about. In front of it was a giant road, even bigger than the one they were on now, except all the cars weren't moving at all. A large sign above it read "SHOPRITE".

"Okay, if you say so." Lina pulled a one-eighty in the middle of the street and dodged approaching cars until she reached the entrance to the giant road.

"Park here," Xellos directed, pointing to an empty space. Lina hit the car next to her as she pulled in, and then stopped the vehicle. While all the other cars were lined up in somewhat orderly rows, she had pulled the automobile in at such an angle that it stuck out rather strangely.

"Awesome!" Lina cried. "Let's go get food."

The six companions disembarked and stood awkwardly around the car for a moment. Zelgadis finally broke the silence. "We just leave it here?"

"Well, yes," Xellos replied. "I have the keys, so no one can take it."

Lina didn't understand what he meant by that, but she shrugged. "Come on, Gourry, let's go." She sprinted towards the building, her cape billowing out behind her. Gourry followed closely, and the rest trailed after them.

The entrance to the building was a huge glass door that seemed to magically open when Lina approached, and what was behind the door was very magical, too. She felt her jaw drop as she surveyed the area. So many delicious scents…so much food…Everywhere she looked was a different kind of food, more than she had ever seen before in her entire life. _I am definitely in heaven_, she decided, paralyzed by the feeling of sheer happiness that gripped her.

"These people certainly have strange clothing," Amelia whispered to Zelgadis as they walked through the magical door, eyeing some people standing outside. As Lina was, both were taken by surprise at the amount of food inside the building, but they at least had enough control over themselves to be able to drag the redhead out of the doorway.

"They do," Zelgadis replied to Amelia's comment. "What kind of bizarre place did the Lord of Nightmares drop us into?"

A loud giggle was heard from a few feet away, and Zelgadis turned towards the source of the noise. "What's with _that_ freak?" a girl laughed to her friend, looking in his direction.

"I don't know. You think he has some kind of skin condition?"

"And what are they all _wearing_?"

Zelgadis self-consciously put his hood up and turned down on of the aisles. It was a long hallway lined with shelves and selves of food. Xellos certainly had taken Lina to the right place. If only his predicament was so easily solved.

Having been separated from the rest, Zelgadis aimlessly continued down the aisle, inspecting an object on the shelves here and there. All that seemed to be here was boxes and boxes of dry food. He picked one up and examined it. It was in a blue box that had writing all over it, and it was shut tightly. It didn't really make sense to him, so he put it back on the shelf and kept walking.

Xellos found himself in an area lined with glass doors, behind which were rows and rows of frost-covered cartons. He wasn't sure where Lina and the others had gone, but he didn't really care. He would find them eventually. Now he was just looking for ice cream.

Amelia dragged Lina into a wide-open section filled with bins and bins of fruit. Some of them looked delicious, but others not-so-appetizing. Amelia grabbed an apple and bit into it, then retched. It was rotten.

Leaping up on top of a display, she began to preach. "I don't know who put this rotten apple here in this bin, but whomever it was, you are a very cruel and unjust individual! It is wrong to trick others into believing that they are eating a perfectly good apple when in fact they are eating a rotten one! The hammer of justice shall come down upon you! You shall be punished for your wrongful doings! Isn't that right, Miss Lina?" She looked around, but all she saw was a group of strange people staring at her as if she was insane (which she is, so it's okay). "Miss Lina! Where are you?"

Gourry was feeling pretty happy. He had discovered some cookies in a box and was now contently munching away in a corner. People would walk by with their strange wheeled boxes and stare at him, but he didn't notice or care. He was eating yummy food, and that was all that mattered.

Filia looked around in awe. Never in her life had she seen so many different kinds of tea. It was like all of her wildest dreams come true.

"Food, food, food, food," sang Lina, rounding the corner and crashing into Filia, causing her to drop the plethora of groceries that she had gathered in her arms. "Hey, watch where you're going!"

"You were the one who walked into me, Lina," Filia retorted, bending down to help pick up one of the items Lina had dropped, a sack of potatoes. She raised an eyebrow at it before handing it back to the sorceress.

"Look, Filia," Lina began crossly, but she never got to finish her sentence, because at that time, Amelia cried, "Miss Lina!" from the top of the shelves.

"Amelia, what are you doing up there?" Lina asked.

"I was looking for you," Amelia replied.

"You do realize that you can't use levitation here, right?" Lina responded. "If you fall, I'm not catching you."

"That's okay!" Amelia cried, pointing towards the end of the aisle. "Mr. Zelgadis can catch me."

Zelgadis, who had just turned the corner, blinked. "I obviously got here during the wrong part of that conversation."

"Seriously, Amelia," Filia said, "You probably should get down from there."

"Oh, I don't see what she's doing wrong," Xellos argued, climbing up next to Amelia from the other side of the shelves.

"Um, excuse me," interrupted a gawky-looking teenager. He was wearing an apron that said "Shoprite" on it and was holding a crate full of bananas. "I'll have to ask you to get down from there, and stop yelling in the store, please."

"Don't worry!" Amelia cried. "I am not yelling, I am simply proclaiming the goodness of truth and justice!"

"I will call security," threatened the boy.

Amelia glared at him, but leapt down, landing on top of Zelgadis and knocking him to the floor.

"Mr. Zelgadis!" she whined, sitting on his back. "You were supposed to catch me!"

"Would you kindly get off of me, Amelia?" he barked.

Xellos landed much more gracefully on the floor, without knocking anyone over, and walked off down the aisle. Everyone else followed him, for lack of better things to do.

"We should probably be going now," Zelgadis said.

"Yeah, I guess," Lina sighed sadly. "How do we pay for this stuff?"

Fifteen minutes later, they had completed checking out. It was, of course, a chaotic business (as it is even when the shoppers are not a group of people from a different universe altogether). The Lord of Nightmares had had enough foresight, of course, the convert all the currency that the group was carrying into dollars before dumping them in the middle of Modern Day Earth, and while they had difficulty counting out the money, they did get it figured out eventually. Before they knew it, they were all staggering under the weight of plastic bags filled with a colossal quantity of food.

"Okay, let's go," Lina commanded, and the group made their way towards the doors.

"What about Mr. Gourry?" Amelia protested.

"GOURRY! WE'RE LEAVING WITH OR WITHOUT YOU!" Lina called, then continued walking.

He may have been an idiot, but he did have enough sense to catch up with them by the time they had gotten to the car.

With everyone present, and Gourry now sharing the trunk of the car with dozens of bags of food, Amelia claimed the driver's seat before anyone else could even think about it.

_Will our young princess be able to drive? Will they ever be able to return home? Find out next time on Slayers Road Trip!_


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, it's me again, with the third installment of Slayers Road Trip! I just want to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed or made my story a favorite or whatever. I really appreciate it!

I also want to say that I've never been pulled over by the police in my life, so I have no idea how it actually goes. I just used my imagination on this one...

* * *

**V. Driver's License**

Amelia was, in fact, a rather good driver. She didn't go too slow, like Filia, or too fast, like Xellos. She stayed in the lane and used the horn sparingly. By observing the actions of other drivers, she leaned traffic laws and regulations, and obeyed signs that said "STOP". She even figured out the function of the turn signal. Her only flaw seemed to be her rabid desire to constantly use any means necessary to stop others who had refused to comply with the rules of the road and give them a long-winded justice speech.

"So now what?" Zelgadis asked, watching Lina eat straight from a box of cereal. "We have food, we have a good driver…does this fanfic have any plot at all?"

"MMM thish shtuff ish amashing," Lina drooled, her cheeks stuffed with food.

"Did anyone actually understand that?" Amelia questioned, then gasped at a passing automobile. "VILLAIN! That was a red light!"

"I said this stuff is amazing," Lina repeated.

"So what are we going to do?" asked Filia. "Just drive down random roads until we get back home?"

"Are you kidding?!" Lina exclaimed. "We can't go home yet! This place has so much food that I've never eaten before!"

"And I wouldn't be surprised if I could find a cure here," Zelgadis added, opening the window. Then shutting it. Then opening it. Then shutting it.

"Could you please stop that, Mr. Zelgadis?" Amelia demanded. "It's very distracting."

"And Gourry's snoring isn't?" the chimera retorted. Gourry's snores from the back of the car were, in fact, rather obnoxious. However, they were easier for Amelia to ignore than the unearthly, grating sound of the window being slid up and down.

"So, basically, we're just going to drive down random roads until we get back home," Filia concluded, exhaling.

"And stop at some places along the way," Lina added.

By this time, Amelia had somehow found her way onto a road that was much wider than all the others they'd been traveling earlier. The cars went faster, and instead of other roads branching off of it, thin streets would curve off into the trees. There were no buildings directly on either side, just greenery that was far too organized to have grown there naturally.

"Wake me up when we're somewhere interesting," Lina said, yawning at the repetitive scenery. "Or when we get food."

"You can't go to sleep, Miss Lina!" Amelia protested.

"Oh yeah?" the redhead challenged sleepily. "Watch me."

"Gourry's already asleep anyway," Zelgadis put in.

"That's unjust! I have to stay awake and drive!"

But Lina was already asleep.

* * *

She awoke to an argument.

"No, I'm pretty sure he wants us to stop!" Filia said. "Why else would he be following us?"

"I have a bad feeling about this, Amelia," Zelgadis commented.

"Drive faster," sang Xellos.

Gourry snored.

"Uhh…what's going on?" Lina asked groggily.

"There's a car following us," Amelia replied nervously. "It's black and white and has shiny lights on it and makes loud noises."

"So? Our car makes loud noises too," Lina responded. "I don't see what the big deal is."

"Just pull over, Amelia," Filia commanded.

"Oh, all right, Miss Filia," Amelia gave in uneasily, pulling to the side of the road. She parked the car carefully and sat anxiously with her hands folded in her lap. Indeed, the black and white car did stop behind them, and a man got out and walked over to Amelia's window.

She rolled down the window using the special button and looked up at the man. "Hello."

"Who are you?" challenged Lina.

"My name is Officer Brown," the man announced, but mostly to Amelia. "Excuse me, young lady, but how old are you?"

"Sixteen," she answered hesitantly.

"Well, at least you're honest," Officer Brown sighed. "I think I can let you get away with a ticket. But I do need a legal driver to be driving this car."

Everyone looked confusedly at each other, but Amelia, pouting, got out of the driver's seat. Xellos was about to make a move for the steering wheel, but both Lina and Filia shouted, "NO!" at the same time.

"Who's going to drive then?" Zelgadis questioned.

"You," Lina answered simply.

"Me?!"

Lina shoved Zelgadis out of the car and Amelia took his spot. The chimera frowned at Lina, the officer, and the steering wheel before getting into the driver's seat.

"Who is this guy?" Lina whispered to Amelia.

"I get the feeling that he's some kind of defender of justice!" Amelia replied excitedly.

"May I see your driver's license, sir?" Officer Brown requested of Zelgadis.

"My what?" Zelgadis asked incredulously.

"Ah, here it is," Xellos chuckled, handing Officer Brown a small piece of paper. He looked it over, looked at Zelgadis, and then nodded.

"Fine," he said, handing back the paper, along with another slip of paper. "I'd better not see you kids making trouble again, okay?"

Everyone nodded with sheepish smiles and wide, innocent eyes. While they may not have known who the guy was, they all could easily sense that he had some kind of power over them. They all watched as he walked back to his car and then drove away.

"That was scary," Amelia said with a sigh of relief. She looked over the seat in front of her to see the papers in Zelgadis' hand. "Um, Mr. Xellos? What's a driver's license? And what's a ticket?"

"A driver's license is a small card that somebody must carry whenever driving, obtained after a person has passed a test and demonstrating that he or she knows the laws that apply to good driving," Xellos explained.

"So you need one to drive?" Lina summarized. "How did you get one for Zelgadis like that?"

Xellos laughed. "Now that is a secret."

Zelgadis glared at the monster, then held up the ticket. "And what's this thing?"

"That's a ticket, or a printed notice that a traffic or parking offense has been committed and a fine must be paid," Xellos enlightened.

"So we have to pay some guy money because Amelia was driving?" Lina groaned. "That's just great."

"Are you saying that we broke the law?" Amelia exclaimed in horror. "No! I am thoroughly ashamed of my evil deeds!"

"We might as well be going now," Zelgadis said, ignoring Amelia's comment. "How do I make this thing move?"

Before they knew it, with a little coaching from Xellos, they were on the road again.

* * *

**VI. Sing-Along, Gas Station, Seating Arrangement**

"Am I doing okay?" Zelgadis asked his passengers, trying to keep the speedometer needle in exactly the right place.

"You're going too slow," Lina and Xellos answered in unison.

"Don't listen to them, Mr. Zelgadis," Amelia argued quickly, afraid that the chimera would follow their advice. "You're doing fine."

"I agree with Miss Amelia," Filia put in. "We definitely do not need to go any faster."

Zelgadis was kind of good at driving, and didn't feel the need to stop other drivers to give them justice speeches to boot. Things seemed to be going smoothly: there were no more scary men in black and white cars, they were actually on a road, and Gourry wasn't making any stupid comments. _If the rest of our trip is like this_, thought Lina, _we'll have no trouble at all._

"It's awfully quiet in here," noted Amelia. "We should have a sing-along!"

"We _like _it quiet," Zelgadis snapped.

Amelia began to sing anyway. "Life is so beautiful…."

"Amelia, do you think you could sing a different song?" Xellos requested with a grimace on his face. "Anything but that will do."

"Um…okay," Amelia agreed. "Girls who are in love, send their love to you, you who—OW! Miss Lina, that hurt!"

"Not that song either!" Lina shouted.

"Fine," retorted Amelia. "Stand up and be yourself…."

"Can't you just be quiet?" Zelgadis grumbled.

"Well, it'll be boring if we just sit here silently," Amelia protested.

"I don't mind Amelia's singing," Filia put in encouragingly. "Sing that first song again, will you?"

"Excuse me, but _I'm_ the driver," Zelgadis argued. "And what the driver says goes."

"Where do you get _that _logic from, Zel?" Lina bickered. "Not that I approve of Amelia's singing."

"Taking on a chance!" sang Amelia.

"Just _be quiet!_" Zelgadis exclaimed.

"Wake up and be your smile!"

"What's all the commotion, guys?"

"Oh great, now you've woken up Gourry!"

"_Sometimes I fall in love, sometimes I cry_!"

"Be quiet, Amelia."

"I'm hungry."

"You _are_ completely surrounded by groceries, Gourry."

"He never asked _you_, you vile creature."

"_Looking for a dream!_"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" screamed Lina. The car went silent, with only the noise of the wind whistling past and the hum of the engine to be heard. "Thank you."

Suddenly, a buzz came from the dashboard, making Zelgadis jump. "What was that?"

"Hm," said Xellos, leaning over to take a look. "It appears that we're low on gasoline."

"And that means…?" asked Lina.

"We must make a stop at a gas station," he replied cheerfully.

"What's Xellos talking about?" Gourry whispered to Lina.

"I actually don't know, Gourry," she responded, aggravated. "I hate this! I hate not knowing things!"

"If I remember correctly, Miss Lina, just a little while ago you didn't want to leave because they have good food here," Filia commented. The redhead merely glared.

"Turn here, Zelgadis," directed Xellos. The chimera had half a mind not to listen to the monster, and toyed with the idea of ignoring him altogether, but decided that maybe his brutally depressing life would be over somewhat sooner if he followed the instructions.

The automobile followed a curved path down in between some trees and emerged in a large area, not quite the size of the vast road in front of the miraculous Shoprite place, but nearly as big and also dotted with stationary cars. Strange columns supported a large covering overhead that read "Exxon" in huge letters.

Xellos guided Zelgadis on where to park the car, something that all the passengers found rather baffling.

"Xellos, how the hell do you know all this stuff?" Lina cried.

"Never underestimate the power of books, Lina," chuckled Xellos, holding up one such volume.

"Where did you get that?" she exclaimed impatiently.

"Now that is a—"

"Don't say it," growled Zelgadis, just as a man walked up to his window. The chimera stared at the man for a moment, and the man stared back, looking at Zelgadis as if his skin was blue (which it was, actually). There was an awkward moment of silence before Xellos, grinning cheerfully, requested, "Can you fill it up with regular, please?"

The man dutifully tread around the car and began fiddling with something towards the back of it. Everyone watched his movements with curiosity.

Zelgadis snatched the book out of Xellos' hand and began to read. "Hm…apparently this gasoline stuff is what makes the car move," Zelgadis clarified, skimming the pages. "And it runs out rather quickly."

"That's stupid," Lina scoffed. "Why can't they just use horses or something?"

"This place is so weird," Amelia concurred.

Filia, nodding in agreement, hesitantly opened her door and slowly stepped onto the pavement.

"Where are you going?" asked Gourry.

"I just need to stretch my legs," she replied.

After that, all the doors swung open and the passengers got out as they realized that they, too, had been feeling awfully cramped in the compact seats. It was also nice to be on ground that wasn't moving, and the slight feeling of queasiness that Amelia had been feeling disappeared once she set foot on the ground again.

After some bathroom breaks, everyone had amassed around the vehicle, circled by the driver's door.

"Lina, can I not sit in the trunk this time?" requested Gourry. "It's kind of uncomfortable."

"It's definitely time for a seating change," Lina demanded. "Xellos has been sitting in the front for way too long."

"Ohh, you're going to make me sit in the back now, aren't you?" Xellos responded dejectedly, but with a smile.

"I have no problem switching with Gourry," Zelgadis volunteered. "I don't feel like driving anymore."

"You're going to let Mr. Gourry drive?!" Amelia exclaimed.

"Well, everyone else has had a chance," the swordsman replied. "Is it my turn now, Lina?"

"I have a feeling that I'm going to regret saying this, but okay," she sighed. "I get to sit in the front, though."

Filia contemplated these changes, then realizing where that put her in reference to Xellos, cried, "I refuse to sit next to that evil creature!"

"But I have to have a window seat!" argued Amelia.

"Then sit in the back, and Zelgadis can sit in the middle!" Filia snapped.

"You're not dragging me into this," Zelgadis remarked.

"I don't care where you all sit, just get in the car!" Lina shouted.

She may not have been able to cast a Dragon Slave at the moment, but the sound of her voice when angry still inflicted fear in her companions, and with little complaint, they followed her instructions. Zelgadis made himself comfortable among the glut of plastic bags in the trunk, and Lina sprawled out across the passenger seat, so much more comfortable than the compressed back seats. Gourry ran his hand over the controls of the vehicle in interest. Filia, arms crossed grumpily, cursed to herself as Amelia began to hum. Xellos, caught between the two, settled in for what he decided was going to be another very amusing ride.

"Lina, you need to get out some money to pay the man," Xellos informed her, once everyone had acclimated.

"We have to pay for this too?" she cried angrily, reaching for money. "The nerve of this place!"

They once again had some difficulty counting out the money, but eventually were able to figure it out. And with more tribulations overcome, Gourry put the car into drive and sped back onto the highway, with a little help from everyone, of course.

"Hey, you aren't half bad," Lina commented. "I'm proud of you."

"It's easy!" Gourry replied proudly, and pointed to the steering wheel. "This spinny thingy is so easy to control."

"Well, seeing that we're in good hands again, I think I'm going back to sleep," Lina yawned.

"Oh, me too," Gourry replied. "This seat is so much more comfortable than the back."

"Don't you dare go to sleep, Mr. Gourry!" Amelia cried. "Please, for the sake of—"

"Justice?" Zelgadis supplied flatly.

"No, our lives!" Amelia finished.

_Will Gourry fall asleep at the wheel? What happens when it begins to rain? Find out next time on Slayers Road Trip!_


	4. Chapter 4

This is my probably my least favorite chapter out of everything I've written so far. I think I was trying to take it in a different direction and it didn't exactly work out…well, you'll see what I mean in a moment.

Anyway, I hope you like it! R&R please!

* * *

**VII. Goodnight, Good Morning**

Lina was somewhat disoriented when she awoke. It felt almost as though she was on a boat; the land beneath her was rocking, moving. She certainly wasn't in a bed, because she was sitting, but whatever was beneath her was soft. Opening her eyes, she discovered that while it was dark, thousands of tiny lights sparkled all around her, like little stars that had come down to adhere to her surroundings.

Looking out the window she remembered where she was: in the car, in that crazy insane place when the Lord of Nightmares had dumped her. At least she wasn't alone. She did have Gourry and her other friends here, after all.

Gourry! He was still driving the car, after who-knows-how-many hours she'd been asleep for. She glanced over at him, hoping that nothing unpleasant had occurred while she was dead to the world. It would've been so like him to crash into something, or else simply forget that he was driving and turn to do something else. However, there he was, looking relaxed and content as he cruised down the road. His blue eyes were fixed on the taillights of the car in front, his broad hands wrapped powerfully around the steering wheel.

She sighed with relief, glad that the state of things in the front of the car was acceptable. She turned slowly to look towards the back. Filia was snoring slightly, her head upon Xellos' shoulder. Amelia's mouth hung open as she slumbered, and Zelgadis could be heard from the trunk, mumbling in his sleep.

"Isn't it so pretty, Lina?" Gourry asked softly, having apparently noticed that she was awake.

Lina twisted back around in her seat to face him. "Isn't what so pretty?"

"Look." He gestured forward, towards the view out the windshield. For as far as Lina could see, there was darkness with few shapes discernable, but it was cut through with the pinpricks of bright red that shone from the backs of the cars in front of them. At first they looked like glaring eyes, but the more she stared at them, the more they seemed like rubies, glimmering gloriously in the darkness. She could see in the mirrors that behind them, too, were the white lights of the fronts of the cars, twinkling. Even within the car were luminous things, the buttons and the gauges lit with glowing green.

"Wow," she breathed. She did love things that shone, after all.

Quiet returned to the car again for a moment, before she asked, "So, you've been driving all by yourself this whole time?"

"Yep," Gourry answered.

"And you're not tired or anything?"

"Actually, I'm exhausted," he laughed.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Well, you were sleeping. I didn't just want to make you get up for no good reason. And you looked so peaceful."

"Pull over," she replied gruffly, glad that he couldn't see her blush in the dim lighting. "I'm driving now."

"Are you sure?" Gourry questioned. "Last time you drove—"

"Yes, I'm sure," she snapped, so Gourry headed towards the shoulder. It was silent as he parked there, and silent as they switched seats. No one else was awakened in the exchange, or when Lina started up the car and began down the road again, in a slightly more nonviolent way than she had earlier.

"Thanks," the blond said.

"Goodnight, Gourry," was her reply.

"'Night, Lina."

* * *

"We have to stop for gas again soon."

The voice made Lina jump about a foot off her seat. After complete silence for a long time, only broken by various bouts of snoring, Xellos' sudden voice had been a surprise. The world was beginning to lighten: the sky, which was before a deep purplish-blue, was now a slightly lighter shade of gray-violet. It looked as though storm clouds had set in overnight, and a sunless morning awaited them.

"Again?" Lina moaned. She glanced at Xellos in the rearview mirror and chuckled. Filia had sprawled over him, snoring into his shoulder, her arm across his lap. "Well, don't you look comfy back there?"

Xellos chose not to reply, instead saying, "And you skipped my turn to drive. That's no fair, Lina."

"I think we're skipping your turn to drive permanently," Lina responded dryly.

"Well, at least your driving skills seemed to have improved," he commented.

"What? Lina's driving?" came a sleepy voice from the trunk. Zelgadis sat up, making himself visible to the front of the car.

"Morning, Zel," Lina greeted cheerfully. "You think you can hand me some of that food from back there?"

"Well, at least we seem to have survived the night in one piece," he remarked, ignoring her request. "What happened to Gourry?"

"He got really tired, so I took over," Lina explained. "Now can you _please_ give me some food!"

With a sigh, Zelgadis shuffled around in the bags until he found something that could pass as a light early morning snack for Lina. "Could you hand this to Lina, Xellos?"

"I'm actually rather incapacitated at the moment," he replied, looking hopelessly down at Filia. "I don't want to wake her up."

"Since when do you care?" scoffed Lina.

"Well, if she's asleep, she can't open that unusually irritating mouth of hers, now can she?" Xellos answered quickly.

"Oh yes she can," Lina retorted. "Many people in this car said some pretty…interesting things in their sleep."

Zelgadis looked uneasy for a moment, deciding that it was time to change the subject. "Lina, just catch." He tossed a blue box up to the front seat, where it crashed into the windshield. Lina grabbed it and tore it open with one hand, somehow keeping the car in the lane at the same time.

"Mr. Zelgadis?" groaned a voice lethargically, slurred with somnolence. "You didn't just throw that, did you? That's very dangerous…distracts the driver…justice…."

"Amelia, go back to sleep," Lina ordered, cramming two strangely flat but delicious pastries into her mouth at once.

"No, I'm already up," she yawned. "Wow, Miss Lina, you learned how to drive right!"

"Oh just shut up already!" Lina snapped. Thanks to this noisy bantering, Filia began to fidget, and slowly blinked her eyes open.

"Uh…AHH! Get your hands off of me, you disgusting creature!" she shouted, leaping away from Xellos as violently as the confined space would allow.

Lina ignored the outburst, as she had more pressing things to deal with. "I've been driving for hours now and I'm really sick of it. Who wants to take over?"

Disregarding Xellos' shout of, "Me!" Zelgadis sighed. "I guess it's my turn again."

* * *

**IIX. Rain, Rain, Go Away**

Amelia watched gloomily as a few scattered drops of water hit her window and splattered. It had only been drizzling since they left the gas station five minutes ago, but already she was bored of the strange patterns the droplets made as they slipped across the glass.

"What a dreary day," she sighed.

"You're telling me!" cried Lina from the trunk. "I'm almost out of food."

"Did someone say food?" Gourry asked groggily. "I'm starving."

"About time you woke up," grumbled Zelgadis, glaring at the driver in front of him.

"Mr. Gourry, may I switch seats with you?" Amelia and Filia requested in unison.

"Or would you rather drive?" offered the chimera. "I hate this…."

"Everyone is staying right where they are," proclaimed Lina. "I think we've had enough musical chairs."

"I agree, Lina," was Xellos' opinion.

"So now what?" whined Amelia. "This is taking forever!"

"Let's play a game," Xellos suggested.

Filia raised an eyebrow skeptically. "What kind of game?"

"One-word story," he answered, grinning. "Each person says a word, and it makes a story."

"I'm not playing," Zelgadis grunted.

"But Mr. Zelga—"

"Don't distract the driver, Amelia," he snapped.

Filia looked thoughtful. "May I start?"

"Go ahead," Xellos chuckled.

"Once," she began.

"Upon," added Lina.

"A!"

"Fish."

"A fish, Gourry?" Lina asked flatly.

"There," continued Xellos.

"Was."

"A."

"Justice!"

"Amelia, there's no such thing as 'a justice,'" Zelgadis pointed out. "Unless you're talking about a judge."

"Well, Mr. Gourry was supposed to say 'loving' and then Mr. Xellos was supposed to say 'individual'," explained Amelia. "But then you interrupted our game."

"Wait, you can't dictate what the others want to say," Lina protested.

"I don't really understand this game," Gourry admitted.

"There's a surprise," mumbled Zelgadis.

"Wow, it's really coming down now," said Filia. At the sudden change in topic, everyone turned to the windows. Indeed, the rain had begun to pour, making everything appear shiny and slick.

"It's kind of hard to see the road," Gourry commented, squinting his eyes at the window.

"That's where the windshield wipers come in!" announced Xellos, leaning forward so he could point them out to Zelgadis. With an annoyed flick, the chimera turned them on, and a loud screeching sound filled the car as they slid across the drenched surface.

"This place is so fascinating," Amelia breathed. "Can all this stuff really not be magic?"

"How could it be?" replied Lina. "We can't use our magic, so none of this stuff can, either."

"I'm getting so frustrated about that, by the way," Zelgadis added, blinking at the windshield wipers.

"When are you not frustrated?" snapped Lina. "Anyway, does anyone have a guess about when we'll be able to return home?"

"When the Lord of Nightmares isn't bored anymore?" suggested Amelia.

"Like that'll ever happen," scoffed Lina.

"Does that mean…does that mean we'll never get back?"

Filia's question was followed by silence. Earlier when such things were asked, this place hadn't seemed nearly as tedious. Never going back had been a ridiculous idea, something to be laughed at. There was always the knowledge that sometime in the near future, they would all be back home once again. But now that it was gray outside the window and the shine of the place had worn off, no one was nearly as positive.

Except Xellos, maybe. "Don't be so pessimistic, Filia!" he laughed. "I'm having a fantastic time!"

"Probably because you're the only one who's not getting hungry!" Lina retorted.

"Don't tell me you're out of food already," Zelgadis said.

"Well, no, not yet," the sorceress replied sheepishly. "But I will be eventually!"

"We must keep our spirits up, for the sake of justice!" exclaimed Amelia. "Let's have another sing-along!"

Her suggestion was shut down vehemently by various other passengers.

"Well then, what should we do?" she asked. "We've tried games and sleeping and everything else…."

"We've only tried Xellos' game," Filia responded. "Why don't we play something else, like counting how many cows we see on the side of the road?"

"What kind of game is that?" Lina cried. "And anyway, Gourry can't count past seven."

"That's not true!" Gourry argued.

"I think we should stop somewhere," Zelgadis sighed. "It's hard to drive in this."

"So, Xellos, since you know _everything_, why don't you tell us where we can hang out for awhile?" Lina prodded.

"Hmm," was the monster's only reply for a few moments, as he flipped through one of his books. "Ah, okay. Zelgadis, get off of the highway in two miles, if you would."

Though Zelgadis wasn't entirely sure what that meant, with some further directing from Xellos, he managed to turn at the correct exit. After some more twisting roads and the occasional curse from an irritated chimera, a building came into view.

All of the passengers stared at it in shock for a moment. It was at least the size of a castle, probably bigger, with huge, tall letters spelling out various strange words on the sides and a road in front that was most likely the size of the building itself. It was built of grimy-looking gray brick and its walls were dotted with glass doors.

"What is that thing?" Amelia questioned, awestruck.

"Welcome to the mall," laughed Xellos. "Find a place to park, Zelgadis."

The chimera grudgingly did as he was told, fitting into the spot far better than Lina had previously at the supermarket.

"You all should probably leave your weapons here," Xellos suggested.

"Are you insane?!" Zelgadis growled. "I'm not letting go of my sword, especially when I can't use any magic."

"Ah, your choice," Xellos sighed. "But don't blame it on me if—"

"Zel, I think we should probably just do what he says," Lina interrupted. "Xellos seems to at least have an inkling of what's going on here, and have you seen anyone else around here carrying weapons?"

Zelgadis didn't reply, instead choosing to take off his sword with a disgruntled grumble. Gourry hesitantly detached his own sword, and Lina placed her dagger carefully on the floor of the car. Filia, looking very peeved, removed her mace from her garter.

Everyone was hesitant to get out of the car and into the downpour, and no one really wanted to be first into this massive mall place. Finally, seeing that no one else was taking charge, Lina popped the trunk open and bolted towards the building. She was followed slowly and with sighs.

They gathered for a moment under the awning, dripping wet and shivering. It was raining so hard that the water had even perforated their cloaks and seeped into their boots as they splashed through the puddles. Despite all this, no one was quite yet willing to reach out and open the door to get inside, until Xellos pushed past them and did so.

_Will they survive the mall? Will the mall survive them? Find out next time on Slayers Road Trip!_

* * *

I like the next chapter a lot better than this one, so keep reading! Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to read this and review!


	5. Chapter 5

Hi again! I just wanted to say thank you (once more!) to everyone who has reviewed this story.  
Anyway, here's the next part. I kind of had an adjective fail...but anyway, enjoy!

* * *

**IX. Adventure in the Mall**

It was very bright inside, reminiscent of a bustling marketplace. Overflowing with goods and laughing people, but this grand event was indoors. High ceilings arched above and tiled floors leading to glittering storefronts paved the way below. A constant dull roar came from all around, a mix of crowds talking stridently and a weird kind of music originating from somewhere that none of the group could locate. Not to mention all the strange machinery that seemed to be so common here.

The scent was a strange mix of quite a few different distinct odors. Lina was pretty sure that she could pick out the aromas of various food products, and following her nose, she stepped further down the hallway. Quite a few people stared at she trekked past, as it isn't very common to see a teenage girl with bright red hair wearing a cape and other outlandish articles of clothing walking through the mall sniffing noisily. Especially as she was followed by a group of equally strangely-dressed people, looking rather hesitant.

"Miss Lina!" cried Amelia. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get food!" was Lina's reply, thrown over her shoulder. "Something smells really good…."

"But I'm not hungry," whined the princess. "Look at all the _other_ cool things there are here!"

"I agree with Lina," commented Gourry. "We definitely should eat!"

"Why don't you and Lina go eat," Xellos suggested, "and the rest of us will walk around here for awhile."

"That works," agreed Lina. She grabbed Gourry by the arm and disappeared into the throng.

"Meet us back here in an hour!" Filia cried after them.

"So we have an hour to walk around this place?" Zelgadis asked flatly. "Fun."

"Look at all this stuff they sell!" Amelia exclaimed, pressing her nose against a huge glass window. "I bet you could buy _anything _here!"

Zelgadis peered past her into the store. Inside, strange-looking shirts and stiff blue pants hung from long metal poles. Throughout his travels of the world, he had seen some pretty odd attire. However, what the people wore here was certainly the strangest of it all. Admittedly, though, others were staring at the entire group as they walked past, indicating that it wasn't everyone else who was wearing the bizarre outfits, but Zelgadis himself.

Deciding that the very last thing he needed was more of that kind of attention, he suggested to Amelia that they go into the store and find something a little more conforming to the strange society that they had landed in. Clothes shopping with Amelia was certainly not his idea of a good time, but since when had this been about enjoying himself?

Amelia agreed wholeheartedly and happily skipped through the door, while Zelgadis followed with a sigh. Filia tentatively stepped into the store, and shrugging, Xellos brought up the rear.

Inside, Amelia attacked the clothing racks with gusto. "Hm…how much money do you have on you, Mr. Zelgadis?" she asked, plucking a shirt from its hanger so that she could view it better.

"Well, I know that Lina had the bulk of it," he mused, trying to appear indifferent as she gaped at the variety of colors on a display of tank tops. "It's completely ridiculous how much money that girl carries around with her…But I think I have quite a bit."

"We should be saving our money," Filia commented, interestedly flipping through a pile of blouses. "We don't know how long we're going to be here."

"Zelgadis is correct though," Xellos replied. "We should be trying to fit in."

Amelia flitted happily through the store, surveying various items of clothing while oohing and ahing. Zelgadis shadowed her in a hesitant manner, feeling too self-conscious in such a place to look for himself. Filia and Xellos, on the other hand, were both in the far reaches of the room, rummaging through shirts and pants.

"Amelia, will you do me a favor?" requested Filia after a few moments of being on the other side of the store. "I've picked out some things that I like, and I want to go see the rest of this…mall place. If you don't mind, can you hold it and pay for it for me?"

"Of course!" Amelia replied. She took the bundle of pink and white from Filia's arms and dumped it into an irritated Zelgadis' hands. "I don't want you to be all alone, though…You should take Mr. Xellos with you!"

At the sound of his name, Xellos wandered over. "No, really, I'm fine!" Filia responded quickly, glaring at him.

"But I, too, am finished with picking out my outfit!" Xellos chuckled. "It was quite difficult to find something that didn't clash with my hair…."

"Yes, purple is a rough color," Amelia agreed, handing his garments to Zelgadis also. "So you two are covered."

"Let's go, Filia," sang Xellos, parading out of the store. Filia followed with a grimace.

"Now we have to find something for me and you," Amelia said to Zelgadis, "and then Miss Lina and Mr. Gourry." She gasped excitedly. "We should all get matching outfits!"

A look of sheer terror crossed Zelgadis' face. "No, really Amelia, I think that non-matching outfits would work perfectly fine."

She, however, was not listening, as she was on a quest to find the color that wouldn't conflict with Lina's hair or Zelgadis' blue-gray skin. "I think Filia had the right idea with the pink…."

Panicking, Zelgadis picked up the first suitable thing he saw, which happened to be a light brown sweatshirt. "Amelia, I'm getting this."

"But Mr. Zelgadis!" Amelia cried. "We can't all wear beige! It's such a dull color! I don't know why you wear it all the time anyway…."

"Well, it's what I'm getting," he argued adamantly. Amelia looked like she was about to fight back, but seeing the look on his face, she just shrugged. He sighed with relief. He was spared. _Might as well save Gourry, too…._

He strolled over to a rack that was shoved full with cobalt shirts. Juggling the multiple other items in his hands, he picked out the largest one and held it up for Amelia to see. "This is for Gourry."

"Oh, alright," she gave in, looking slightly dejected. However, she brightened up again as something on the clearance rack caught her eye. Smiling, she bounded towards it and continued to make use of Zelgadis as a shopping cart.

**

* * *

**

Lina sighed contently, leaning back and closing her eyes. "The food here is fantastic…."

"I don't think I can eat another bite," groaned Gourry.

"Really?" Lina cracked an eye open. "So I can get more and you're not going to try and steal it from me?"

"Hey, I never said that," Gourry replied.

"Yeah, you just did!" Lina cried. "I'm going to go get more then!"

* * *

"Hmm," Filia said thoughtfully, closing her eyes. "I have a feeling that whatever we're looking for is…that way!" She pointed down another corridor that branched off of the main hallway, and waited for her companion to head in that direction.

Xellos chuckled. "Now, now, Filia. We're not going through _that_ again, are we?"

Filia sighed and crossed her arms. "It was worth a try…."

"Are there any stores you would like to go into?" Xellos asked, remaining cordial.

"Not with a monster like you!" she snapped.

"Fine," he retorted. "_I'll_ pick a store then." He glanced around, then grabbed her arm and dragged her through a door.

"I didn't know you liked cooking," she commented, glancing around. She was completely surrounded by odd-looking pans and bizarrely-shaped spoons. Knives glittered from inside their glass cases, surrounded by an assortment of spatulas, mixing bowls, and whisks.

"Ah, yes!" Xellos replied. "My special dish, Mandragora soup, can slay even a golden dragon!"

Fed up with his antics, Filia grabbed a frying pan from a nearby hook and proceeded to chase the monster around the store with it, shrieking at him all the while. Other customers dropped what they were doing to stare at the two darting around the room.

"Hey!" shouted a woman from behind a counter in the back. "No running in the store! Get out of here!"

Xellos danced out of the door, and Filia, looking uncomfortable, dropped the frying pan and followed him. "I choose the store this time," she grumbled, dragging him into a slightly smaller shop.

Xellos sniffed the air. It certainly did smell interesting in here….

* * *

Before very long, an hour had passed, and by some miracle, all six companions were in one piece and gathered where they had planned to meet.

Lina glanced at Xellos and Filia as they walked up. "Is there a reason why you two smell like flowers?"

Filia looked daggers at Xellos. "It's all the stupid monster's fault. He spilled an entire bottle of that perfume stuff on us."

Xellos grinned sheepishly. "But I wouldn't have spilled it on you if you hadn't been threatening to put the lotion on me."

"I wouldn't have been threatening to dump the lotion on you if you hadn't been shoving the aromatherapy oils in my face!"

"I think you two smell _wonderful_!" sang Amelia. "Though it is kind of strong…."

Zelgadis and Gourry looked as though the scent was going to make them puke.

"So what's in the bag?" Lina asked, pointing towards Zelgadis' full hands.

"You don't want to know," he sighed.

"Of course she does, Mr. Zelgadis!" Amelia replied. "We got clothes for everyone! Can we put them on now?"

The group found a suitable bathroom and Amelia divvied out the purchases. They all disappeared into their respective areas and struggled to figure out this strange clothing.

It was Zelgadis who was finished first. He fit in far better in his beige sweatshirt and jeans, and he could retreat into the hood that he pulled over his head. He stepped out of the bathroom and sat unaccompanied on a nearby bench, waiting for the others.

Inside the girls' room, Lina, Amelia, and Filia giggled as girls are wont to do when they are trying on new outfits. "These clothes are actually pretty cool," Lina laughed. "Thanks Amelia. But how do you get this thing on…oh, I get it. Weird stuff!"

It was Filia who twirled out into the open first, and she sashayed to the mirror to examine her outfit. The frilly pink blouse over the knee-length white skirt looked kind of good on her. She smiled at her reflection just as Amelia bounded out. Her outfit consisted of a short yellow summer dress with brown leggings underneath.

They both turned to watch as Lina emerged in light-wash jeans and a hot pink sweatshirt over a black tank top. She tossed her hair at her reflection, then dragged her friends out of the bathroom to wait with Zelgadis. Gourry looked uncomfortable in his blue shirt and jeans, but Xellos came out of the bathroom grinning broadly. He was dressed in black jeans and a tan long-sleeved shirt, and he smelled much less of flowers.

"You look…nice, Lina," Gourry commented awkwardly.

Lina blushed and looked down, but Amelia came in with, "Doesn't she? I told you this outfit would look perfect on her, Mr. Zelgadis!"

"We all look rather good, don't we?" Xellos laughed.

"My only complaint is the shoes," Filia sighed, gesturing towards their feet. Indeed, their shoes did look very out of place. Amelia's greenish-blue boots especially clashed with her outfit.

"Well, there's gotta be a shoe store somewhere around here, right?" asked Lina. "I'm pretty sure I saw one before…."

They wandered the halls a bit, navigating through the crowds while not getting nearly as many stares, until they found a place that they all agreed about going into. Well, to some extent, anyway.

"What's wrong with my shoes now?" Zelgadis questioned, looking towards his feet. "They match."

"But they're ugly," Lina answered dryly.

So they all ended up looking for a pair of shoes.

Amelia found hers almost instantly, easily falling in love with a pair of brown sandals. She bought them and happily ran outside to trade her boots for the new shoes. Filia was next, with a pair of white flats, and it didn't take Lina too long to find some black and pink sneakers that went perfectly with her outfit. However, while Xellos scanned the collection of shoes, Zelgadis and Gourry stood awkwardly to the side, unsure of how to go about buying a pair.

Lina and Amelia came in to save the day, of course, pulling random sneakers out of boxes and shoving them onto the unwilling boys' feet. After they realized that their protesting was futile, they let the girls have free reign, meaning that Gourry's feet somehow ended up in a pair of heels.

Eventually, Zelgadis just took a pair of brown sneakers that fit him and bought them. Gourry was a tad more finicky, deciding that he didn't want sneakers but instead wanted a pair of boots.

"Okay, Gourry, here's some boots!" growled Lina, who at this point was starting to become irked by the difficulty they were having with the males. The two shoes hit him in the head, one right after the other, and the impact sent him backwards off of the stool he was sitting on.

Gourry bought them and hurriedly left the store.

Xellos, seeing that everyone else was already finished, grabbed a pair of black sneakers and was done. So, clad head-to-toe in completely new outfits, the group strolled down the hallway.

"Do you think the rain's let up yet?" Amelia asked, trying to catch a glimpse out the skylight.

"Why don't we go check?" Xellos suggested.

"I'm getting sick of this place," Lina snapped. "Let's go."

Outside, the downpour had turned into something more of a misty drizzle. It wasn't a comfortable precipitation, but they figured it would be easy enough to drive in. None of them really had the desire to stick around the mall much longer anyway, with Amelia maybe being the exception.

It was Gourry who took the driver's seat again, and Lina next to him. Filia offered to sit in the back, which the others easily complied with, if just to avoid her arguments with Xellos. Zelgadis was unhappily stuck in the middle, with Amelia to his left and Xellos to his right. And with the seating set, the group was on its way again.

_Where will they go next? Will they ever be able to return home? Find out next time on Slayers Road Trip!_

* * *

I hope you liked it! I know, the part about all the clothes was a little unnecessary, but I felt like making them not seem so out of place.  
The next part could take a little longer than usual to write (I'm so busy!) so please be patient. I also feel like I should be ending this sometime soon. Not because I'm running out of things for them to do, but I just feel like it could get kind of repetitive after awhile.


	6. Chapter 6

**XI. Hotel**

"I miss my bed," Amelia sighed, looking out towards the sunset. The clouds had mostly cleared, leaving only a few wisps to reflect pink light from where the sun was sinking into the trees. To her it felt like they had been in the car forever, and her life was made up of the cycle of gas stations and yellow lines on the black road.

"I miss any bed at all," Lina agreed. "There's got to be an inn somewhere around here, right?"

Zelgadis sighed, relief written across his face. "Good. I thought you were going to make us drive all night again…."

"Well, as long as we're here, we might as well make ourselves comfortable!" Lina proclaimed. "So Xellos, where are we headed?"

Their destination was a mid-sized Marriott in some sleepy little town that was just off the parkway. Being in a sleepy little town, the concierge wasn't expecting too much activity that night, except for a group of businessmen who were at some significant meeting over in Conference Room A. As she did on most days, she sat behind her bulky wooden desk, sipping a cappuccino and disinterestedly flipping through a magazine.

Certainly the last thing she was anticipating was for a boisterous group of six with brightly-colored hair to stroll bemusedly through the door. Unfortunately for her, that was precisely what occurred.

"Hey," Lina said, walking up to the desk. "How much is the cost per room?"

The concierge looked the redhead up and down. Her build was of a girl no older than fourteen or fifteen, though she seemed older. She carried no bags, but a lumpy black bundle in her arms appeared to be some sort of clothing. There was something very suspicious about these people, but the concierge knew that her boss would go ballistic if she turned any customers away. The hotel was suffering enough financially as it was….

"A hundred and seventy dollars per night, including the breakfast buffet," she rattled off flatly.

"One seventy?! That's an outrage!" cried Lina.

"Is it really?" Zelgadis asked, pausing in his inspection of the room to enter the conversation.

"I don't know," Lina muttered to him. "I'm just trying to see if we can get a lower price."

"Look, do you want a room or not?" the concierge prodded.

"Did you say something about a buffet?" Gourry interrupted, loping over.

"Yes, a continental break buffet from 8-11 AM every morning," she sighed.

"Alright!" Lina cheered. "Two rooms then!"

"Only two?" Zelgadis complained. "We have to share?"

"Who knows how long we'll be here?" Lina pointed out. "We should be saving our money."

"Can I have a name, address, and credit card number?" the concierge requested dryly.

Lina and Zelgadis blinked at her.

Xellos, watching amusedly as his friends gained puzzled expressions, pushed them gently aside and spoke in hushed tones to the bored woman behind the desk. Moments later, he was handed two pieces of plastic with the directions, "Go up the elevator to the third floor, then turn right."

Lina raised an eyebrow at him. "What did you do, Xellos?"

"Let's go see our accommodations!" he replied, disregarding the question, and heading towards the hallway to which the concierge had pointed.

Everyone else followed, some more willingly than others (Amelia had to be dragged away from the revolving door, to which she was growing rather attached). However, she found something much more amusing in the tiny hallway to which they had been directed. A gleaming piece of metal covered much of one wall, broken up by one thin line straight down the center. It looked like a door, but there was no doorknob, and no amount of pushing made it budge.

Amelia decided that the answer to their problems was the small white button located on a wall nearby. She bounded over to press it, which resulted in a _ding_ sound and the door smoothly sliding open.

They were faced with a tiny room, carpeted in the same generic greens and browns as the rest of the inn, with a long metal bar that ran around the perimeter. Though it seemed as though it was inviting them to enter, no one particularly wanted to go into the confined space.

"What is this?" Lina wondered, sticking her head in and taking a look around. On one wall glowed buttons like that which Amelia had just pushed, labeled with numbers.

"It's how we get up to the third floor," Xellos explained.

"Lina, watch out!" Gourry cried suddenly. Lina darted out of the way just as the metallic door slammed shut, barely missing locks of her fiery hair.

"Um…I think I'm taking the stairs," Filia announced, turning away from the metal wall. Now if only she could find the stairs….

Ultimately, they all somehow ended up crowded into the cramped elevator, feeling more than a little claustrophobic as the door shut behind them. After some misunderstandings about the function of the buttons on the wall had passed, they finally managed to figure out how to arrive at the third floor. The instant the doors opened again, they fell out into a heap on the carpet, thankful for land that wasn't moving.

"It was like levitation!" Amelia proclaimed.

"I doubt that's how it works," Zelgadis contradicted, turning to face the mysterious doors that had shut behind them once again.

"So now we turn right," Xellos mused. "And…here we are! Rooms 312 and 313."

It was another adventure altogether figuring out how to unlock the doors to their rooms, but once Xellos had revealed the nature of the pieces of plastic he held, it became easy. The girls filed into room 313, the guys into 312.

Lina had thought that she knew all about inns. Having traveled all throughout her world, she had stayed in a great deal of them, and she thought she had been in nearly every kind of room possible. Looking about her now, she knew that she had been wrong. This looked like an inn room in some strange ways, like the two beds over there, and the couch on the far side, under the window. But then there was a surplus of doors all over the place, and other various oddities like the large black box sitting on the dresser.

Amelia went about throwing open these strange extra doors that she came across. The first one proved to be nothing but empty space: a closet. Lina wasted no time in hanging up the clothes that she had gathered in her arms.

Amelia was pleasantly surprised about what she found behind the next door. A startled Zelgadis stared back at her, obviously having been exploring his own room and found a door similar to hers.

"Look, Mr. Zelgadis, our rooms are connected!" she exclaimed with glee. "This is going to be so much fun!"

"Fun" was not the word Zelgadis would use to describe his experience so far.

Amelia was not yet finished investigating, though. A third door required her attention, opposite the one she had just opened. Beyond its frame, she discovered a sparkling white bathroom, which was possibly the most puzzling thing they had found yet on this trip. Water magically sprung from the metal on the counter when a nearby piece of porcelain was twisted in a certain way. It flowed down like a waterfall into a little drain at the bottom of the basin.

Back in the main room, things were not going smoothly. "I don't understand why I have to share a room with _him_," Zelgadis growled to Lina, pointing towards Xellos. He stood in the doorway connecting their two rooms, an irritated expression on his face.

"Stop complaining," Lina snapped from where she had perched herself on the edge of the bed she claimed. "At least you're not with the one who still manages to give speeches about justice in her sleep!"

A sudden crash and a thud was heard from inside the guys' room, followed by a laugh from Xellos. Zelgadis turned towards the noise, which was out of Lina's line of sight, and a shocked expression crossed his face. He vanished into his room, shouting, "Xellos, don't do that to Gourry!"

Lina fell back onto her comforter. It was going to be a long night….

* * *

**XII. Hungry, Tired, and In A Car**

It wasn't long before these hygiene-deprived individuals found the showers. Amelia, having already been in the bathroom, was in and out before anyone had realized where she was. Smelling not quite so much like she had been in a car on and off for the past two days, she posed dramatically on top of the bed that she had claimed as hers and commanded everyone else to go cleanse themselves.

They had, by this time, all gathered in the girls' room for lack of better things to do. After small amounts of bickering, it had already been decided that Lina and Amelia would get the beds and Filia the couch, while in the other room, Gourry and Zelgadis had claimed the beds.

Now they sat around various places throughout the room, some on the floor and others on the beds, as Amelia explained the virtues of the glorious shower. Before long, everyone was feeling much cleaner.

"So what are we going to do about dinner?" Lina asked, towel-drying her hair.

"You've been eating nearly nonstop since we got here," Zelgadis replied. "Don't you think it's time to take a break?"

"We can't go without dinner, Mr. Zelgadis!" Amelia protested.

"Well, can't we just get in the car and drive to someplace that has food?" Gourry suggested.

No one particularly liked this idea, as just the though of getting into the cramped seats again made their heads throb. But they all had to admit that Gourry's proposal was surprisingly the most logical option that they could think of. So they were off again, through the hallways and in the terrifying elevator, past the concierge and into the parking lot.

Since they weren't planning for it to be a very long trip, there wasn't the usual fuss over who sat where. it was because of this that Amelia ended up in the front passenger's seat with Gourry driving, Lina behind him, and Xellos next to her. Filia resentfully sat on the other side of him, and Zelgadis was stuck in the trunk once again, which he didn't particularly mind, as long as he wasn't the driver.

Amelia did not have a good time playing navigator. Between Gourry's constant misunderstandings and relaying Xellos' directions, it was a tough job. After passing what appeared to be the same building for the fourth time, it occurred to her that they might be going in circles and finding absolutely no food. Things weren't particularly better in the back of the car, between Lina's irritated grumblings about her hunger and Xellos' and Filia's constant bickering. Zelgadis sat in the trunk, attempting to ignore them all.

Eventually Lina became peeved enough to climb onto the armrest that separated the front from the back. Half resting on Xellos' knees, supporting the rest of her weight with a hand on Amelia's shoulder, Lina struggled with Gourry for control of the steering wheel with her free hand. The car squealed to a stop in the middle of the road.

Predictably, everyone began to shout at once.

"AHHH!"

"Miss Lina! What in the world are you doing?!"

"Lina, I think that's kind of dangerous!"

"If it's not too much trouble, Lina, could you please get your foot out of my stomach? Ah, thank you."

"Why me?"

"Seriously, guys!" Lina cried in response to all. "If someone doesn't take control, we're _never_ going to get food!"

"Lina Inverse: redefining the term backseat driver," Zelgadis sighed. "Maybe if you sat down, we would get somewhere!"

"Gourry, get out of the seat," she growled, glaring over her shoulder in response to the chimera's comment. "I'm driving."

Filia opened her mouth to make a remark, but was cut off by Gourry's protest of, "But Lina!"

Filia was interrupted a second time when a horn blared as the car that had been behind them swerved past. Amelia following its movement, commented, "Miss Lina, maybe you should sit back down…."

"Maybe everyone should listen to me!" Filia finally roared, her melodramatic voice severely overpowering the princess's. "We aren't getting anywhere arguing and shouting over each other like this!"

"You're the only one _shouting_, Filia," Xellos put in.

"Shut up, you disgusting monster!" she retorted, a wild look in her eyes. "Now, Lina, _please_ sit, or I will—"

"Or you'll _what_, Filia?" Lina barked back. "_Nag _me until I go insane?"

Zelgadis, at this point, came to realize that the situation desperately needed to be diffused. "Lina, Filia, please calm down."

His attempts, however, were trounced by a much more commanding voice. "Miss Lina! Miss Filia! I know you're tired and hungry but we really shouldn't be arguing like this!" Amelia proclaimed.

She probably would have gotten away with interrupting their miniature brawl, too, if it hadn't been for her slightly cross tone. Both Lina and Filia, noticing this, snapped their attention towards her.

"Look, _Amelia_," snarled Lina. "If I don't get food soon, I'll eat _you _instead. How's that?"

A frown took over Amelia's features, and it was readily evident that she, too, had just been pulled into the quarrel. Xellos, Lina still standing on his knees, shifted uncomfortably as he, Gourry, and Zelgadis silently split their attention between the melee and the seventh car that was now swerving around them.

"This is no way to treat your friends, Lina!" Filia declared. "And Amelia, don't be so pushy!" She huffed, and then as an afterthought, tagged on, "And _don't even think about it, Xellos_!"

"Don't even think about what, Filia?" he asked innocently, his volume comparatively quiet to the three loud girls' din.

"Don't even think about making one of your awful comments!" she snapped, before catching sight of the look on Lina's face. It was obvious that the redhead was milliseconds away from some sort of retort, so instead, Filia shoved the precariously balanced girl towards the front seat.

Lina tumbled clumsily into Gourry's lap, and finding herself there, blinked up at him bemusedly.

Amelia stifled giggles from behind her hand. "Miss Lina! Are you alright?"

Lina scrambled back into her seat, settling down next to Xellos. "What are you laughing at?" she grumbled, but her tone wasn't belligerent. Zelgadis and Gourry breathed sighs of relief. The danger had mostly passed.

"You should have seen the look on your face, Miss Lina," Amelia answered. "But anyway, thank you for breaking the tension, Miss Filia."

There was some irate mumbling from Lina, a barely audible response from Filia, a sigh from Zelgadis, and a witty jibe from Xellos, but Gourry tuned it all out and started rolling down the street again. He hoped to find some food fast before the girls began to argue again. And anyway, he was just as starving as the rest of them. Why was it so difficult to find some kind of meal around here?

_Will they ever find a place to eat? Will any restaurant possibly have enough food to feed them? Find out next time on Slayers Road Trip!_

* * *

This chapter turned out a lot differently than I had originally meant it to. I hope you liked it, though!  
And thank you once again to everyone who's taken the time to read and review this, especially Lord Slayer, who has reviewed just about every single chapter I've written since I first joined ! I really appreciate it.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm warning you: I wrote this chapter on about three hours of sleep and edited it while simultaneously packing for vacation. Please forgive grammar/spelling errors and random bouts of silly OOC-ness. Otherwise, enjoy!

* * *

**XIII. Restaurant**

"Waiter!" Lina called over the dull roar of the restaurant that they had finally somehow found themselves in. It wasn't a particularly crowded place, but their waiter was in fact taking _far_ too long to come get their order. They'd already been sitting there an entire minute and a half!

The young man was clearly frightened by the individuals who were gathered around the table he had been assigned. There was a blond man, bulky but boisterous. To the his left was a small, black-haired girl chattering animatedly to the man on her other side, who had sunk far into the hood of his sweatshirt and looked as though he was trying his hardest to ignore the world that surrounded him. Next was another blond, a female this time, who looked about ready to beat the crap out of the guy sitting next to her. That very same guy had impossibly purple hair and looked as though he was perusing the menu with his eyes shut. Finally, rounding out the group, was a petite girl with fiery red hair, maniacally raving to anyone within earshot.

"Finally!" Lina cried. The waiter instinctively cringed away as an inexplicable feeling of dread came to rest in his stomach. "To start off, I'd like…two of everything on the menu!"

"Um, excuse me?" the waiter squeaked.

"Make that three of everything," Gourry corrected.

"And five more sides of potatoes!" Amelia added. "And…um…actually, how about _four _of everything!"

The waiter, struck with the thought that they weren't kidding, began to scribble ferociously in his notepad. If they really wanted all that food, he wasn't going to be the one to argue. They'd have to take that up with the chef. But by the looks of this order, he was going to get a _huge_ tip.

He turned to Filia, who had yet to say a word. "And for you, miss?"

"Hm…a salad, please," she requested, folding her menu shut.

That was easy enough. Jotting it down, the waiter nodded at Xellos.

"A glass of water," was the simple answer.

What an odd bunch. The waiter sighed to himself, then looked towards the recluse on the far side of the table.

Zelgadis peered out from under his hood. "Just coffee."

"Is that all, then?" the waiter asked, shutting his pad and tucking his pen away.

"For now," Lina answered with a dismissing wave of her hand. "Now hurry up!"

The waiter stumbled hastily towards the kitchen, an inexplicable feeling of fear sending a chill down his spine. Despite the redhead's petite appearance, she frightened him.

Seconds later, the waiter returned with a sheepish look on his face. "The chef would like to let you know that he can't possibly cook all that food at once and it could take some time before it's all ready…."

"Doesn't matter," Lina replied dismissively. "Just bring whatever's ready now and keep it coming!"

All in all, dinner was quite the affair. Zelgadis, Xellos, and Filia watched rather helplessly as the food emerged from the kitchen in a continuous stream, then was devoured by the two sorceresses and the swordsman as if each was the first thing they'd had to eat in weeks. Many of the other patrons of the restaurant had abandoned their own food to watch the growing pile of empty plates that accumulated in the middle of their table.

Eventually there came a time when the rate of consumption slowed and all that was left upon the table was the bill. Zelgadis reached for it in a manner that suggested he was afraid that it would bite his hand off. This was only natural, of course, as he looked absolutely stricken upon opening it. Filia gently pried it from his fingers, then was sorry she did. Even Xellos looked pale as he peeked over her shoulder at the sums that were printed.

"Lina, how do you expect us to pay for all this?" demanded Zelgadis.

The redhead sighed contently and patted her full stomach. "With money. How else?"

"Miss Lina, I don't even think all the antique vases in my shop would cover this bill!" Filia exclaimed.

Lina rolled her eyes and extracted the check from the dragon's hand. "Hm…that is quite a bit. I mean, I can pay it, but seriously, who charges this much for some food? Hey! Waiter!"

The haggling that followed did not bring about much change in the price, but instead resulted in Lina's decision that everyone needed to cover their own expenses. Fortunately, there wasn't much of a problem with this on the whole.

So everyone survived the restaurant relatively unscathed, except possibly the poor chef who had to cook all that food.

Getting back to the hotel was far easier than getting away from the hotel, mainly for the reason that a much happier Lina had commandeered the wheel. Xellos took the position of navigator to her right, and the remaining four sorted themselves out in the back. In this manner, they had returned to their destination shortly, and without nearly as much complaining.

Everyone was thrilled by the prospect of a warm, comfortable bed waiting for them upstairs. After another very exciting elevator ride, they had once again arrived on the third floor, and were heading towards their rooms when Amelia said, "I wonder what an ice machine is…."

"A what?" Lina questioned, pausing midstride to look at the younger girl.

Amelia directed a solitary finger towards a sign on the wall that clearly read, "Ice Machine," and had an arrow pointing left.

"Should we check it out?" asked Lina, glancing down the hallway in the direction of the arrow's point. Nothing unusual met her eyes.

"No thanks," Zelgadis replied. "I think I've had enough adventure for one day."

"I'll go with you, Miss Lina," offered Amelia.

The other three chimed in with a chorus of, "Me, too!" And so Zelgadis swiped the room key out of Xellos' hand, while the others headed off down the corridor.

They weren't walking long when their conversation was interrupted by a low-pitched buzzing noise, like that of a large river slowly gurgling along or a steady breeze pushing through bare branches, but metallic and unnatural. It emanated from a large silver box they found once they had rounded the corner.

After a few moments of staring at it, Lina kicked it to see if it would react. It didn't.

There was a great deal of thorough observation of the object before Gourry accidentally leaned on part of it, and small chunks of ice flew at him. Everyone leapt back, startled, then Gourry hit the lever again. Ice spewed onto the floor.

"I see," Xellos commented. "A mechanism that produces frozen water. An _ice machine_."

This fascinating bit of insight was, however, completely lost on Lina. She had already moved on to examining one of the other two buzzing items in the room. Large and lit up, various food stuffs were displayed tauntingly behind gleaming glass.

"This is stupid!" she cried. "What idiot would put food behind glass where people can't reach it?"

"There's got to be a way to get it, or else it wouldn't be here, right?" Amelia questioned.

Lina looked thoughtful. "You think I can break it?"

"I don't think that's how it's supposed to work," Filia voiced.

"How, then?" Lina asked.

Xellos came to stand beside her, and looked over the machine. After a moment's inspection, he pulled a dollar out of his pocket, fed it into the machine, and hit some buttons on it. Behind the glass, a package of something fell to the bottom, at which point he reached in and picked it up.

"Okay, Xellos, show me again what you just did," demanded Lina.

Not a great deal of time later, the five were walking back up the hallway, laden with various kinds of hydrogenated fats and high fructose corn syrup swathed in colorful packaging. Amelia had also made a trip to the third and final machine in that little room. She wasn't entirely sure what exactly was in the cans it dispensed, but she was mostly certain that it was some kind of liquid because they made sloshing sounds when she shook them. They were cold and moist against her arms, as though she was holding chunks of snow.

If only she could figure out how to open one. The small raised portion on top seemed to be the key, because she could see no other purpose for it. Well, one pulls on things to open them usually, correct? Following this logic, Amelia tugged at the tab.

A great deal of fizzy brown liquid was released from the top when she did this, spraying all over herself and Lina. But mostly on Lina, as, in her surprise, Amelia threw the can to the side, where it landed in the redhead's arms.

"What is this stuff?" Amelia wondered, sniffing at the sweet-smelling brown liquid that dripped from her hands.

"Whatever it is, it's all over me now," Lina snapped. "Thanks, Amelia."

Gourry reached down to pick up the can that now was rolling across the floor, and he took a sip of whatever contents were left. "It tastes great!"

"But it's sticky," Amelia groaned, her hands feeling uncomfortably gluey.

"You're telling me," Lina replied flatly. Her hair was dripping with the stuff, her new shirt mostly soaked. If anyone was feeling uncomfortably gluey, it was definitely her.

Once in the room, she barely paused to set down her food before stepping into the bathroom and taking a second shower.

* * *

**XIV. Television**

Having washed the caffeine-rich liquid out of her hair, Lina emerged from the bathroom to find her room completely devoid of life. Dressed once again in her usual sorceress' outfit, leaving her new clothes in the sink to soak and hopefully be rid of the stickiness, she went searching for her friends.

She didn't have to look far, as she found them all sitting silently in the boy's room.

They were arranged in an odd way, each staring at the same direction, with their heads titled at the same angle. A glazed look had taken over each set of eyes, and for a moment, Lina suspected that someone had cast a sleeping spell on them. However, they didn't quite look like they were under a spell, despite the sudden and strange silence that had overtaken them…but if they were all silent, what was that noise that she heard?

"Hey, guys?" Lina questioned from the doorway. "What are you doing?"

Not one of them even blinked. They continued to stare intensely towards the same spot.

Gourry, seated on the floor between the two beds, had his mouth hanging open slightly, and he wasn't the only one. Amelia, perched on the edge of Zelgadis' bed, had awe clearly written across her face.

"Hellloooo," Lina called, striding over to Zelgadis, who was propped up against his pillows and was gazing just as raptly as the rest of them. She waved a hand in front of his face. "Earth to Zel!"

This, at least, got a reaction out of someone. A loud, "Shhh!" came from Filia as she sat in her seat next to Xellos on the couch. Her eyes were wide, her expression was enthralled.

"Why?!" Lina questioned, hoping desperately for some kind of answer.

The former dragon priestess slowly raised a pointed finger to the wall behind Lina.

Lina turned to see a small black box on top of the dresser. It was the origin of the strange talking noises she had been hearing, as sound seemed to originate from the thing. Alongside this sound, there appeared to be people…within the box!

No wonder they were all staring in awe. The people were tiny, but danced across the surface of the box, chattering to each other with music and flashing lights and pictures…It certainly was something to behold. In shock, Lina dumped herself onto Gourry's bed and viewed the incredible television.

The more she watched, the more she understood its purpose. While she couldn't explain the tiny people inside the box (though she was soon convinced that it wasn't actually tiny people but rather their picture being transported to her, like in a vision spell), she could tell that they were presenting information. It was hard to understand, as one man spoke of people dying, while another told of sunny skies. But it was fascinating, engrossing, impossible to look away from.

At one point she shifted over to make herself more comfortable, when she put her hand down on a long, flat object. The image on the black box flickered, and suddenly changed to something completely different. Amelia, Gourry, Xellos, Zelgadis, and Filia, motionless and still for so long, all started at the same time.

"What happened?" questioned Gourry. "There was that guy, and suddenly he was gone, and now there's this guy…."

"I think I did something," Lina offered, holding up the object that she had accidentally hit. It had a variety of strange and colorful buttons on it.

"Let me see that," Zelgadis requested, holding his hand out for it. Lina tossed it to him, and after a moment of analyzing it, he began to use it to flip through the channels.

Each was exponentially more entertaining than the last, somehow managing to capture their interest again and again with each new person who appeared and each new flare of color. Some had a tone of humor, and in others, suspenseful music played heavily in the background. They changed from one to the next as though they were just leaves flashing by in the breeze, glimpses of someone else's life….

* * *

A few hours later, Lina blinked awake. The room was dark except for an eerie blue-tinged glow from the black box as a picture of a massive body of water filled the small screen. On another, much smaller black box on the bedside table glowed the numbers 1:34.

Had she really fallen asleep in the guys' room? Whoops, time to move.

She swung around out of bed, and found the reason why no one had bothered to wake her. Gourry was fast asleep, stretched out on the floor, looking as though he, too, had fallen asleep while watching the mystical object. Amelia was curled up like a cat on the foot of Zelgadis' bed. Filia, draped over the side of the couch, was next to where Xellos appeared to be dozing. Zelgadis was the only one who was conscious, and his blue eyes were still intently following the image on the television.

"Thanks for waking me, Zel," Lina snapped flatly.

Zelgadis flinched, and glanced at her. "Sorry. I guess I kind of lost track of time."

"No kidding," Lina replied. "Well, I'm taking Amelia and Filia back to our room now, where we can sleep in peace…."

Filia took a bit of persuading to get up, but once she learned that she was currently sharing a sleeping space with Xellos, she quickly fled into the other room. Though the Mazoku appeared to be out cold, Lina didn't miss the sight of the corners of his mouth twitch upward into a smirk. Amelia groggily followed Filia, shuffling along and yawning something about not minding sleeping where she had been. Lina tried to wake Gourry to let him know that his bed was no longer occupied, but he was dead to the world. So she left him on the floor and returned to her room, shutting the door behind her.

Amelia and Filia were already sprawled over their assigned sleeping areas, snoring, and Lina quickly collapsed into her own bed, pondering the strange wonders of this world.

* * *

The morning sun was shedding a cheerful light upon the contents of her room when Lina awoke again. From what she could tell from the view out the window, it was midmorning, and about time for her to stop snoozing and get on with her day. After a stretch and a yawn, she came to the conclusion that she was alone. Both the other bed and the couch were empty, though they were mussed and obviously had been slept in. The door to the guys' room was shut from the other side, so she doubted that they were in there.

Well, it was a problem that she could dwell on over breakfast. Without even bothering to change clothes, she slipped out into the hallway, down the elevator, and embarked on a search to find the buffet that the concierge had spoken about.

Both her problems of figuring out where Filia and Amelia were and finding the buffet solved themselves simultaneously as she heard the boisterous chatter of her two friends from a room off of the lobby. Inside, they sat at a table, Filia sipping a steaming cup of tea, Amelia with a large pile of pancakes.

"Miss Lina!" called Amelia when she caught sight of the redhead. "Look at all the food they have here!"

Lina stormed over to their table. "You've got to be kidding me! You guys came down to eat breakfast _without me_?!"

"Well, you seemed tired yesterday, so we decided that it was probably best to leave you there," Filia answered. "And Amelia wanted to have some food before you devour it all."

Lina glared at one, then the other, and then marched off to the buffet table. There would be time to argue later, she concluded, once she was finished with her meal. It was well into her second plate that their male companions blundered into the room, none looking as though they'd had a particularly restful night.

"Ah, I figured we'd find you here," Xellos commented, sliding into a chair next to Filia, while Gourry made a beeline for the food.

Amelia glanced up from her pancakes and froze, her fork halfway to her mouth. "Mr. Zelgadis, are you alright?"

He certainly didn't look alright, as his wiry hair was in disarray and his eyes were blank and exhausted.

"Wow, you look even worse than Gourry, and he spent his night on the floor," Lina remarked. "What happened to you?"

"He was up watching documentaries all night!" Xellos explained cheerfully. "We learned all about the life cycle of beluga whales."

Zelgadis glared at him, and then sighed. "I just need some coffee…."

_Will Zel recover from his all-nighter? Where are they off to next? Find out next time on Slayers Road Trip!_


End file.
